⇚ Read Format Kindle [ Through the Shadowlands: A Science Writer's Odyssey into an Illness Science Doesn't Understand ] For Free ⦾ ePUB Author Julie Rehmeyer ⨙

⇚ Read Format Kindle [ Through the Shadowlands: A Science Writer's Odyssey into an Illness Science Doesn't Understand ] For Free ⦾ ePUB Author Julie Rehmeyer ⨙ ⇚ Read Format Kindle [ Through the Shadowlands: A Science Writer's Odyssey into an Illness Science Doesn't Understand ] For Free ⦾ ePUB Author Julie Rehmeyer ⨙ PROLOGUE February 2012 The tent was possessed Death Valleys wind breathed a wicked life into it, whipping it into a writhing demon intent on freeing itself from my grasp and flying off on some maniacal mission Determined to put it up, I engulfed as much of the tent in my arms as I could, stomped on it with both feet, tugged on the strip of webbing holding a grommet, and strained to bend the tip of the tent pole toward the hole I howled with effort and the sound tore away on the wind, just as the tent so wanted to I knew I was breaking my own cardinal rule Stop When Youre Tired That rule had burned itself into my brain over the dozen years since Id first developed the symptoms of chronic fatigue syndrome, the illness I had come to the desert attempting to outwit Even mild exertion could leave me nearly paralyzed the next day, sometimes unable to turn over in bed Now I was spending all my strength wrestling with this nylon and fiberglass fiend Before I left home, Id made sure I was capable of setting up this borrowed hurricane grade tent, but I hadnt counted on a hurricane grade wind I was miles up a jeep trail off a long dirt road in the middle of the godforsaken desert, alone except for my dog Should I wake up crippled and call for help, my shouts would shred in the wind long before they reached a human ear On top of all that, I didnt even much believe in the mission that brought me to the desert in the first place I had come to Death Valley on the theory that I needed to get clear of moldfrom moldy buildings, from mold in the outside air, from mold in my belongings Strangers on the Internet had told me there was a good chance that mold had triggered my illness and that by strictly avoiding it, I would eventually recover I had never had any obvious reaction to mold in the past, but my Internet advisors told me that when I returned home after two weeks in the desert,the mold in my own house and belongings would likely make me dramatically sick And then, at last, I would know what was doing me in This whole thing is probably a crock of shit,Id thought, but at least itll make a good story. The truth was, though, that I was desperate to get better Over the previous year, my health had deteriorated so much that I could barely work, often couldnt walk, couldnt even take care of myself I had gone to the top specialists in the world, and Id pretty much run out of medical options I would soon run out of money, too, and I had little family to turn to I was 39, and I had no idea what was going to happen to me Consignment to a nursing home Without that level of desperation, I couldnt have brought myself to pursue a theory that so many scientists sneered at I was a science writer and a mathematician, and science was my primary lens for viewing the world Coming to Death Valley had unmoored me from both my physical and intellectual homes The wind tried again to rip the tent away as the last pole snicked into its grommet Thank god,I thought, clutching the tent harder I allowed myself only a moment to catch my breath, not wanting to let my exhaustion undo me Then I began pounding stakes into the ground My two year old puppy, Frances, bounded up to me, her brown nose covered in fine tan sand, and then she ran off in pursuit of a fly I smiledshe, clearly, wasnt a bit worried about the tent or the wind I watched her leap and snap at the invisible insect At least Im not completely alone,I thought I plodded 50 feet to the car to gather essentials before I ran out of energy As I reached toward the trunk, I stopped, arrested by the valley that surrounded me Bands of red and blue and yellow and pink rippled through the mountains facing me, the peaks geological story written on their naked flanks for all to read The Panamint Mountains at my back were ever so slowly listing eastward like a great ship keeling over, the summits twisting higher as the valley floor sank Salt flats shone white on the valley floor, the residue of millennia of rain that had run off the mountains and evaporated, carrying a load of salt and minerals to join the dried up remains of Pleistocene lakes Except for a few tiny cars inching along the road ten miles away, I saw no sign of a human being I felt myself expand into this great space, this emptiness Despite the winds immense swirl of energy, the land felt quiet, still, impassive Everything fell away from memy body, my pain and exhaustion, my fear, my strange experimentand was replaced with a huge and ancient stillness All the time, I thought, this place was here, whether I was pinned to my bed or bounding up a mountain trail As I poured out into the valley, I felt the valley pouring into me, its enormous spaciousness filling my chest The wind buffeted me, and I staggered I returned to my task, gathering a couple days worth of food to take to the tent in case I couldnt make it back to the car the next day Then I returned for my sleeping bag, pad, and Francess blanket All were new to meone of the requirements of this experiment was that I leave all my own belongings behind, since everything I owned, on this theory, was contaminated with mold The sleeping bag and pad I had borrowed from a friend, and the cheap blanket came from Target I could only hope they were mold free After the weeks of slow preparation, I had made it It was only 6 p.m., but I was done for I called Frances into the tent and curled up in my sleeping bag Before I left for Death Valley, Id told friends that I felt like I was going to the desert to die I fully expected to be breathing at the end of the trip, but I couldnt keep everything together as I had been doing for years, holding on to my responsibilities and dreams in spite of the barriers my illness threw in my path Whether the experiment worked or didnt, the life I had lived was over I was staring into a cavernous darkness, beyond any imagined future I could invent I wrapped my arms around my dog and closed my eyes Okay,I thought Whatever is next, okay. PART 1 DESCENT CHAPTER 1 CONSTRUCTION AND DESTRUCTION Summer 2000 12 years earlier The cool mud squished between my fingers It was so thick with chopped straw that I could pick it up by the handful to plaster the straw bale wall of the house I was building I mushed the mud into the bales with both hands, working it deep into the straw in a hypnotic, sensual cadence Grab, mush Grab, mush Grab, mush The rhythm helped me ignore the exhaustion gnawing at me A couple dozen friends had spent the day at our plaster party, helping us with the enormous job of mudding all the walls of the house my husband and I were building on our streamside land outside Santa Fe, New Mexico All day, I hustled to keep everyone busy, teaching people to screen dirt and chop straw and mix mud, answering questions, running around with 35 pound buckets of mud in each hand to keep everyone supplied After all our friends had left, I gathered up the scraps of plaster left in various buckets and, despite my tiredness, gave myself this great pleasure of plastering a wall with my own hands I reveled in the softness of the mud and the solidity of the balesand the simplicity of a task with few decisions to make and no one else to satisfy I finished the wall faster than a crew of four of our friends would have A couple years earlier, the Tewa Indian women who had taught me how to plaster had similarly outpaced me I stepped back from the wall, and a rush of awe filled me That mud was now part of a wall that was destined, I hoped, to stand for decades, sheltering me from wind and cold I imagined that someday my children would play in that spot, bumping against the wall, kept safe by its solidity It seemed almost impossible that this seemingly endless series of mundane tasks would someday result in a house Once my job was done, my exhaustion wormed its way into my awarenesscarrying my fear along with it A couple of hours earlier, I had sent my husband, Geoff, inside for the evening, tired of telling him what to do Please spray out the mixer Please gather and wash the buckets Please put away the screen.It was less painful to do it myself than to deal with his daze Bits of Geoffs soul seemed to be disappearing, nibbled away by bipolar disorder As hard as I was working to construct our house, I couldnt keep up with the destruction overtaking himand us At one point recently, Geoff had come to me with eyes alight Look he said, handing me an eight inch scrap of rebar, the material we had used to reinforce the concrete in our foundation Rebar was ordinarily a dull, rusty brown rod, studded with bumps to help the concrete adhere to the steelbut the end of this piece was so smooth it felt soft against my finger, and blue and gray seemed to swirl inside the metal Geoff held a file in his other hand, and metal dust lay at his feet Its so shiny he said, in a five year olds voice The wonder in his eyes nearly brought tears to mine I hadnt seen a moment of joy in him for months If a shiny bit of metal could bring that back to him, could remind him that life had pleasures that made the fight against the depression worth it, that he wasnt better off deadwell, it made me want to enshrine the thing on our mantelpiece At the same time, I wanted to bash the bit of rebar against his head You just spent an hour filing a piece of trash while Ive been working my ass off building our house, and you have no clue thats a problem Even as I felt my anger billowing outward, though, I knew the force fueling it was fearand grief I missed my husband Less than two years earlier, Geoff had been my stronger half as we had hauled railroad tiesand shoveled concrete to build a bridge across our stream that was sturdy enough to hold a concrete truck Before that, we had turned ourselves into mathematicians together, spending hour after hour discussing mathematical puzzles in cafs as students at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology Id been dazzled by the way he could feel his way to the spine of a math problem and crack it by the emotional maturity that helped him persist even when we were out of ideas by his panther walk, honed by martial arts and by the softness in his eyes whenever I was feeling down or discouraged If only I could talk to Geoff, the real Geoff, right now,I thought Hed help me figure out how to deal with this mess.I counted the weeks since wed last changed his medication, praying that the latest pills would bring him back to me I knew there was no point letting him see either my rage or my despair, so I forced myself to say, Thats so cool, Geoff The pitch of my voice rose against my will, assuming a singsong bounce Now, think you could give me a hand for a minute As I cleaned up after the plaster party these months later, worry about Geoffs dissolution ate at my mind like acid Would he ever be himself again And even if he recovered, would our relationship recover too Would we ever have the children Id dreamed of This house was supposed to be a jointly constructed container for our life as a couple and one day as a family Instead, it was coming to be my personal burden Our pain was getting built into it along with the straw and mud I pushed those worries aside, just as I had so many times before Having finished plastering my wall, I went to rinse off my hands As always, I was the dirtiest person on the building site at the end of the day My arms seemed to have been dipped in chocolate up to the elbows, and I could feel dried mud cracking on my cheek Bits of straw had cemented themselves to my legs Long strands of blond hair straggled into my face, having snuck out of their braid Most absurdly, two large, brown circles marked the front of my white T shirt How,I wondered, do I always manage to brush my breasts against a freshly plastered wall The next morning, Geoff and I awoke at dawn to make a run to town in Santa Fe, collecting supplies to keep the work going I was exhausted, but then I was always exhausted, and I knew how to push through it When we got home, I stood and looked up the path to the house, sheltered by its great ponderosas The slight slope felt like a mountain My whole body ached, and earlier, just walking on the flat, even floors of Home Depot had hurt When I groaned slightly at the first step, Geoff wrapped his arm around my waist and supported me up the slope His brain might be dissolving, but his love for me still felt solid Even with Geoffs help, walking up that slope felt like a cruel thing to demand of my body I wanted to sag out of my husbands embrace, to lie down in the pine needles, to feel my body melt into the soil I just couldnt do this I couldnt finish this house all by myself I couldnt go teach my summer class at the college the next day I couldnt keep Geoff from killing himself A worker wed hired, Jessica, stood at the top of the slope, agape Were you up all night on a search she asked, her voice urgent and horrified Geoff and I were both members of a search and rescue team, and over the previous couple of years, our pagers had often woken us in the night Wed strap on our always ready, fifty pound rescue packs and hustle out the door to tromp through the wilderness hollering for some lost soul, often in the midst of a storm But wed both turned off our pagers many months ago, too busy with the work of building Our backpacks were still packed, but they were buried under shovels and picks in a corner of the shed I stopped trudging up the path and looked at Jessica, astonished Yesterdays work isnt enough to explain my appearance I thought To look this bad, Id also need to have been up all night searching But she had worked all day yesterday too, and she seemed fresh and ready for the day The pain and fatigue in my body spoke to me It seemed to be saying something than Stop Rest Lie down.A thought crept into my mind for the first time Maybe I wasnt just tired Maybe I was sick.ENDORSEMENTS Julie Rehmeyer s inspiring memoir of surviving the ravages of M.E C.F.S casts much needed light on what it s like to live with a poorly understood disease Humorous, compassionate, and motivated throughout by curiosity, Through the Shadowlands will powerfully illuminate this murky realm for anyone wondering what it s like to suffer and survive.Meghan ORourke, author of The Long GoodbyeJulie Rehmeyer is both a real scientist and an award winning science writer Her book will have the power to change lives.Dave Asprey, New York Times bestselling author, author of Head Strong, and producer of the film Moldy Only a brilliant science writer could possibly traverse the mysterious landscape of Americas most misunderstood affliction with such grace From the politics of scientific research to the far reaches of alternative medicine from the nitty gritty of molecules to the depths of raw emotion this is a riveting story that will change lives.Joan Borysenko, New York Times bestselling author of Minding the Body, Mending the MindJulie Rehmeyers self taught journey through the murky world of mycotoxins, which she shares so eloquently in this book, has helped our whole clinical team change our protocols With the help of the expert training of the American Academy of Environmental Medicine, we are now testing and treating people with mycotoxin poisoning It is wonderful to see people getting better Nancy Klimas, Director of the Institute for Neuro Immune Medicine and Professor of Medicine at Nova Southeastern University It is a privilege to have the singular journey through the outback of contested medicine narrated by a science journalist with the nuance, rigor, deep respectability and reporting chops of Julie Rehmeyer.Pamela Weintraub, author of Cure Unknown and commissioning editor at AeonREVIEWS Science journalist Rehmeyers deeply personal illness memoir stands out for the lucidity of her self analysis and pragmatism about managing a life turned upside down by chronic fatigue syndrome CFS She emerges as simultaneously a science journalist frustrated with established medicines dismissiveness, a patient open to the pseudoscientific approaches of non traditional practitioners, and a desperate woman reaching out to suffering peers on the Internet for support and advice This last avenue ultimately leads her to an extreme removal of mold from her environment, starting with a body resetting solo expedition to Death Valley Exploring ideas of dependence and self sufficiency, Rehmeyer shows her illness through the lens of her personal relationshipswith her strange and abusive mother, mentally ill first husband, mostly distant siblings, and two successive partners, the second of whom is supportive where the first one is not In this way, she explores her illnesss psychological aspects while never giving up the idea that CFS has a real and profound physiological component Rehmeyers frustrated but cautiously optimistic story will resonate with readers who value an intelligent, scientific approach to life but wonder what to do when there arent any good answers Publisher s Weekly Harrowing, raw and frequently inspiring Rehmeyer writes as she has been forced to live with great inner strength and determination Washington Post A moving portrait of a person living expansively in the face of setbacks and limitations she is introspective and reflective, open to new ideas and people, and she forges strong friendships with many people around her, including neighbors and fellow science writers Since reading the book, I ve found myself reflecting on my own emotions and thinking about how to cultivate the kinds of relationships she has with family and friends Through the Shadowlands is a gift, and I am grateful that Rehmeyer trusts us with this frank, intimate look into her life Scientific American Through the Shadowlands A Science Writer s Odyssey into Through an Illness Doesn t Understand Julie Rehmeyer on FREE shipping qualifying offers felt like she was going to desert die fully expected be breathing at end of trip but driving Death Valley giving up The Ghosts and Hauntings Welcome The Hauntings page, Internet original ghost website We have assisted people through this alone Magalia Depot This location used a train depot, has been restaurant since In past owners seen apparitions heard voices vents banging walls former employee reports things fell off shelves without explanation, their hair pulled shoulder grabbed by unseen force, they saw floating head atop freezer in lowerJulie Mold Chronic Fatigue Syndrome went unlikely solo journey tent help cure her mystery illness that stumped doctors Book Rehmeyer journalist so sick sometimes couldn turn over bed top specialists world were powerless help, scientific research disease near standstill She running out money How bad science misled chronic fatigue syndrome patients is math writer Her memoir Shadowlands, describing politics other poorly understood illnesses, will julierehmeyer Twitter latest Tweets from Author Contributing editor, MEpedia freelance journalist, contributing editor Discover, , lives with myalgic encephalomyelitis ME CFS written for numerous publications including New York Times, Slate,The Washington Post, News, Aeon, Wired, High Country News others Paradigm sufferer who turned mold avoidance approach described book Beginner Guide Avoidance after becoming bedridden much time periodic bouts paralysis Rehmeyer, Home Facebook mould infestation public housing across territory threatening human health especially Inuit kids While Nunavut Housing Corporation working address problem, process both lengthy expensive Constant Vigilance Santa Fe, NM Discover Magazine Slate, Science, Opinion Getting It Wrong Syndrome Mar By David Tuller March Image author JULIE REHMEYER award winning mathematics writerShe Magazine, published stories featured History Channel NPR All Things ConsideredShe recipient Ted Scripps Environmental Journalism Fellow Math View profile LinkedIn, largest professional community jobs listed See complete LinkedIn discover News Oct SN Predicting wildfires, organ transplant tolerance, mosquito wipeout, nuclear pasta, troublemaker brain cells, particle puzzle Antarctica, new views Maya settlements What syndrome, why aren we doing October Eight years ago, collapsed neurologist examining table, I asked naive question center long controversy So CDC finally reverses course treatment After resisting pleas patients, advocates, clinicians, quietly dropped its recommendations debunked treatments which included graded Vladimir Voevodsky, Revolutionary Mathematician, Dies Vladimir formerly gifted restless student flunked college boredom before emerging as one most brilliant revolutionary mathematicians David Doerrer Books graduate University worked Sterling Lord Literistic Houghton Mifflin Harcourt joining Abrams Artists Agency September Are US area codes random Wild About Math had never given thought how selected always assumed three digit numbers that, once upon time, or middle Review Manga Calculus dangerous thing here students might start ignoring try still read story Playing games another very nice creative way teaching eg order successfull game able perform some mathematical thinking Unrest, Personal Account Sep film, Jennifer Brea describes life hijacked Discover technology jam packed best yearFrom space exploration medicine, technology, paleontology environment, ve got every field covered Highlights include spacecraft rendezvous comet, origins first Americans, defeat hackers inside look Ebola outbreak Henri Cartan Wikipedia Henri Paul French July August mathematician substantial contributions algebraic topologyHe son lie brother composer Jean Lancet weekly peer reviewed general medical journalIt among oldest, prestigious, known journals founded Thomas Wakley, English surgeon named it surgical instrument called lancet, well architectural term lancet arch, window sharp pointed indicate light Ennoblement ABGA One goals ABGA Board Directors implement program recognize Policies procedures Ennobled Herdbook drafted Math Inspired Works Art DiscoverMagazine From alien angels hyperbolic lamp shades, these works art created not paintbrush chisel, equations geometry chronick navov syndrom me cfs TED Talks Vydno dne p e ten Jen hovo v populrnm velice lidsky o tom, co se stane, kdy mte n onemocn n, kter nikdo neum diagnostikovat syndrom Dobr den, poslm Vm vtah ze zajmav knihy rodnm hormonu progesteronu Opravdu, po dvou m scch u vn potravinovm dopl ku Menolistica, mi zmrnila fibromyalgick bolest souvisejc pot i tvrtiny je za deset let mho obrovsk sp ch jakou kovou bylinnou l bou Through the Shadowlands: A Science Writer's Odyssey into an Illness Science Doesn't Understand


    • Through the Shadowlands: A Science Writer's Odyssey into an Illness Science Doesn't Understand
    • 2.2
    • 123
    • Format Kindle
    • 1623367654
    • Julie Rehmeyer
    • Anglais
    • 03 June 2017

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