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↏ Read a And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives pdf ↑ By Julie Schwartz Gottman ✗

↏ Read a And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives pdf ↑ By Julie Schwartz Gottman ✗ ↏ Read a And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives pdf ↑ By Julie Schwartz Gottman ✗ 1REALIZE WE RE ALL IN THE SAME SOUPJim wakes up early one morning in an amorous mood He reaches over and touches his wife s breast She sits bolt upright and exclaims, Those are for the baby Jim is crushed He dashes out of bed and jumps in the shower.Margarita and Carlos are about to make love one night when the baby starts crying Carlos jokes, Damn This baby must have a radar for our lovemaking He s saying, No sibs for me Margarita doesn t laugh She gets up Carlos grabs her nightgown, pulls her back, and, a little irritably says, Stay He can just calm himself The trouble is you never give him the chance to Margarita frowns, once again gets up, and Carlos utters another Damn under his breath She hears him When she returns to bed a while later, she expects Carlos to be angry But surprisingly, Carlos apologizes and says that he understands why she had to go to the baby He offers to go the next time the baby cries Now she cries, but in gratitude Exhausted, both of them feel closer again and cuddle together They fall asleep in each other s arms, as the baby sleeps through his first night.Across the street, Debbie comes to breakfast with her baby Her husband, Harry, sits down to eat, too, but pulls his chair over to the portable TV Debbie says, Can t you turn that thing off and spend breakfast with me and the baby Harry says, Shut up and stop nagging I just want to hear the news before work Anyway, what do you want me for You sure as hell don t want me at night I m pretty worthless to you, aren t I What do you care how hard I work, or when I help out around here You re the one driving me away All you want is to be with that baby Debbie yells, What is it with you men Can t you get it that when a woman has a baby hanging on her all day, she doesn t want a man hanging on her all night Harry gets up and leaves with the portable TV, slamming the door behind him.A few blocks away, there s a different picture Jason and his partner, Shanique, play with their six month old son, Marcus, who s getting a fresh diaper on the changing table Marcus is watching his parents with eyes like saucers Jason sings, I m gonna get your belly and he gives Marcus a big loud kiss on the belly Marcus giggles and flashes Jason a gorgeous smile Jason and Shanique both dive in, tickling and blowing on their baby s tummy The baby wiggles and squeals with laughter Shanique and Jason pick him up, fresh and clean, and dance over the living room floor.What s the difference between these families They all have new babies, they all face the same joys and the same stresses, and yet some are so happy, and some are not In our research, we ve discovered that everyone has the best of intentions after their babies are born But some couples weather the transition beautifully, others stumble but regain their footing, while still others fall and keep falling.First, though, before we examine what distinguishes one group of couples from another, let s answer a fundamental question Who is having babies in this country BABIES ARE MOSTLY BORN TO COUPLESAbout 4.5 million babies are born each year in the United States The vast majority are born to married couples, not single moms But the numbers are changing dramatically In 1980, the estimate was that 18.4 percent of all babies were born to single moms By 2003, the figure increased to 34.6 percent over a third of all babies born in this country These figures suggest that single motherhood is on the rise There s a fear that children born to single moms are at greater risk for poverty, neglect, and maltreatment Some say that if these babies were born to couples committed to staying together, their families would be much better off.These statistics are highly misleading A recent study in twenty one American cities found that unwed mothers are rarely alone Independent of race and ethnicity, a whopping 82 percent of these moms are romantically involved with the fathers of their babies Sixty percent of these couples live together and are gallantly struggling to make it So the overwhelming majority of unwed mothers are partnered already with the dads of their babies Single motherhood, at least in the first year of Baby s life, is largely a myth.As we travel around the nation conducting our workshops for birth educators, we also see men in every social class and ethnic group wanting to be better fathers and partners Many men have experienced absentee fathers whom they either have never met or who disappeared early from their families They don t want to repeat their fathers mistakes They want a different life for themselves Many of them want families even than friends or careers.All told, this means that nearly all babies are born to couples, married or not And couples are showing a profound commitment these days to creating not just babies, but healthy families That s what this book is all about.THE SOUP WE RE ALL INThere s an old joke about a man who goes to a restaurant, and after his soup arrives he calls the waiter over He says to the waiter, Taste the soup The waiter assures him that this soup has taken weeks to prepare, and that the chef is one of the finest in the city The man again says to the waiter, Taste the soup The waiter offers assurances He brings over framed restaurant reviews that all mention the soup The man nods and smiles and again says to the waiter, Taste the soup Finally, exasperated, the waiter says, All right I ll taste the soup Where s the spoon Aha the man says.There s no way for us to know how our lives will change after our baby arrives We think we ll be full of joy Everyone tells us that there s nothing exciting than a new baby Babies are the natural culmination of the love we share They are the dawning of new hope Babies delight us with their cuteness and draw us into their peaceful, loving world They are soft and tender, helpless and small They need us They call us to love and nurture them They are also very nice people They openly greet us, and they eagerly play with us They engage us, imitate us, and smile at us Once we get to know our babies, we think, maybe our species is good and fine after all.But sometimes we find that we may have cooked up a tasty fantasy Once the realities of new parenthood set in, the stresses stand out, too, like too much salt in a dish.Our thirteen year research study with 130 young families uncovered a startling fact In the first three years after babies were born, a whopping two thirds of parents experienced a significant drop in their couple relationship quality Being with Baby tasted so sweet, but being together as partners turned bitter increases in conflict and hostility soured family life.If these research results are representative, we re talking about an overwhelming majority of American families who suffer from relationship distress after children come We heard many stories like these the following names and identifying details were changed.Angelica complained that her husband expects her to do almost all of the housework and child care even though she now works half time Robert said that he now works not only full time but does a lot of overtime as well, and that should count for something.She sarcastically said, Thank you, Your Highness But you can change this diaper right now as part of your overtime at home.He snickered No way I ll change a wet diaper, but the poop ones are all yours.She did not laugh She changed the diaper.Jonathan and Jenny sat on a couch together during an interview He said, Jenny s too involved with the baby She s got no limits She doesn t get that we have to save our money now She ll spend a week s salary just so the baby will look cute when she brings him out to her friends It s like our baby is Barbie She s totally impractical.She said, You don t understand Our baby outgrows everything so fast Besides, I am not impractical I resent that You re just a cheapskate who doesn t earn enough money I had to get that new stroller The old one wasn t safe.He shot back, All I ever hear out of your mouth are zingers, nothing but criticism What about all the good stuff I do She whipped out, Whenever you do anything, you don t do it right, so I have to do it all over again She laughed.He said, Another zinger.The two of them ended up sitting next to each other, not talking, stone faced and looking straight ahead.These examples are typical In our research, we score videotapes of couples discussing problems in detail, second by second Here s what we see The couples in trouble are critical, defensive, and disrespectful with each other They are blind to their partner s point of view, and they can t compromise They often say things they later regret Not surprisingly, most of these couples have elevated heart rates during their arguments Their fights feel like tripping through mine fields Their partners seem like enemies, not allies Apparently, their partners don t even like them, let alone respect them Over time, both partners are haunted by feeling unappreciated, neglected, and lonely.How does this calamity happen when there should only be joy The story seems to be this When a baby arrives, a couple s intimacy deteriorates Sex, romance, and passion often decline The relationship shifts its center to the baby Husbands and wives who were once friends and lovers no longer have time for each other Dating stops entirely, and long conversations disappear Both parents get lonely, and can be drawn to others outside the marriage Most affairs occur after children come Family time is now battle time.Worse yet, battles get physical One U.S study found that 37 percent of obstetric patients experience domestic violence with their partners Another study found that 30 percent of domestic violence begins in pregnancy Is it any wonder that our divorce rate has climbed to 50 percent, and that many of these divorces occur within a few years of babies births Part of the problem is that we think becoming parents shouldn t be a big deal It seems unthinkable that our new baby could be clutching in his little hands some major stresses After all, isn t having a baby a happy event We receive those Hallmark cards that say, Congratulations to celebrate the occasion And of course, our baby s birth is a wonderful occasion But maybe, in tiny black letters, the cards should also read, Say good bye to your romance.Does it have to be this way Not if we have the skills to create savory family time, instead of sour and bitter moments The findings of many research studies can help us.PARENTS ARE VERY STRESSEDAs early as 1957, a landmark study by E E LeMasters claimed that an astounding 83 percent of new parents went through moderate to severe crisis in the transition to parenthood Unfortunately, no one believed LeMasters His claims were initially dismissed or, at best, strongly debated because no one could believe such high percentage numbers could be real But later, in the 1980s, other studies began to appear, and they confirmed LeMasters s findings Now, after than sixteen long term studies, we know that he was right.BOTH PARENTS ARE IRRITABLE,OVERLY EMOTIONAL, AND THEY FIGHT A LOTThere is so much to do when a new baby arrives Babies need to be fed every two hours, including at night So most babies don t sleep through the night, at least for a while Also, babies signal their needs by crying This means that babies cry a lot Babies cry when they are wet, when they are in pain, when they have gas, when they are scared, when they are lonely, when they need to be held, and when they are hungry.We parents spend many nights at 3 a.m walking around the house with our babies trying to help them go to sleep We dance with our babies, sing to our babies, count to a hundred with our babies, reason with our babies, rock our babies, and bathe our babies We wipe up baby drool, baby pee, baby poop, and baby spit We look in mirrors with our babies, go for drives with our babies, play the saxophone to our babies, and take our babies into our parental beds We sleep with our babies next to us, and we sleep with our babies on top of us Then we change our babies, feed our babies, take our babies to the park and to the pediatrician And we buy things for our babies cribs, playpens, rattles, toys, mobiles, baby music, car seats, diapers, baby food, diapers, and baby food We parents love our babies so much, yet there s so much to do It is possible to not answer the phone, to avoid returning messages, to ignore someone knocking at the door, and to avoid doing our e mail, but most of us cannot ignore our crying babies Baby cries awaken an archetypal drive in us to nurture, protect, and sustain our own So, of course, with responding around the clock, we get sleep deprived, tired, and crabby This is totally natural It happens to all of us.But what happens when we are sleep deprived and stressed for a long time We can get mildly depressed Apparently, sleep deprivation sometimes biologically results in depression even when there s nothing to be depressed about For example, one study took healthy young childless volunteers and deprived them of deep sleep found during delta wave and dream stages every night for a month At the end of the month, they were evaluated Every single one of them had become clinically and biologically depressed And these young volunteers had no baby in the picture, no one crying to wake them up, and no one saying, You get the baby, I m tired.Sleep deprivation also makes our daily hassles seem intense We feel worse, and we take things harder like encountering rude people, waiting at red lights, or enduring long lines at the grocery store When we re exhausted, we lose our sense of humor We just can t cope as well.In our relationships, we also feel emotionally out of control We think we hear something mean and snap We crack back with something hostile One minute we re laughing, and the next one, crying And the fuse on our temper is only a millimeter long Astoundingly, all of this is normal, given a few months of sleep deprivation and so much to do From the Hardcover edition.Having a baby is a joyous experience, but even the best relationships are strained during the transition from duo to trio Lack of sleep, never ending housework, and new fiscal concerns often lead to conflict, disappointment, and hurt feelings In And Baby Makes Three Love Lab experts John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman teach couples the skills from their successful workshops, so partners can avoid the pitfalls of parenthood by maintaining intimacy and romance replacing a culture of criticism and irritability with one of appreciation preventing post partum depression creating a home environment that nurtures physical, emotional, and mental health, as well as cognitive and behavioral development for your babyComplete with exercises that separate the master from the disaster couples, And Baby Makes Three helps new parents positively manage the strain that comes along with their bundle of joy From the Hardcover edition. Essential Gear for Sleeping Lucie s List Best Baby No matter which sleeping method you choose, your little lamb will need a safe venue I recommend crib the long term, BUT don t be surprised one bit if use it at all during first few months In fact, most parents end up with their baby in bedroom months, highly as do virtually modern day pediatricians Baby Names The Name Wizard Experts name hunter paradise, from best selling expert Laura Wattenberg Popularity graphs maps, Finder, and Namipedia full info on every Caroline MakesKILA Breakfast S toast Lunch or dinner carrot, sweetcorn cheese meal packet wasn feeling well so wanted something simple easy to eat, followed by blueberries Dinner us me, rest of haddock gratin freezer For him chicken chargrills BABYBJORN Potty Chair, Gray Toilet Training This is very nice potty chair It sleek, design, clean, no annoying sounds other bells whistles ordered get my child used sitting not starting training yet Jogger City Mini W Single Stroller Original Urban ten years, has been essential wheel stroller kids move Life brings many new adventures, but there break sweat when out about Cool Shower Ideas Unique Cool Themes First things You have pick shower theme before anything else That where base entire party, can make brake any Dave Ramsey Steps DaveRamsey Dave money management plan designed help debt, save build wealth achieve financial success Celebrity Moms, Adorable Birth See today coolest celebrity moms check adorable names, pictures, birth announcements Us Weekly Hope Bennett But we re getting thereBit bit, figuring how live our house allllll time without making look like lived alllllll And fun while learning Things To Do With A Month Old LoveLiveGrow Moved Permanently document moved here The Blueberry Moon More Outfits Nakey Part Hello Everyone, Here are some doll outfitsBy using Three basic templates bottom post countless outfits these peasy piecesI show an simple, hem, Bodice that top dress, long, short sleeves great ways keep toilet clean Farm baby Just put hole anywhere then try find place won interfere flapper important parts My Charming Kids Mom Blogging Together people care others comes naturally, ve doubt found yourself offering run errand neighbor, volunteering Lady Gaga Born Way YouTube Feb , Written Lady Executive Producer Vincent Herbert Directed Nick Knight Choreography Laurie Ann Gibson Listen brand music Bradley stuff LOT Zotheysay YES Bonds Wondersuits amazing also discovered nifty hand foot covers whoops swaddle suits Studio ones avoid midnight hissy fits crying sessions set toys each Go Bugs Sassy because wrap them around wrist outside car seat nom worry losing Lamaze clip go Freddie Firefly seat, stroller, extra toy Mamas Papas makes cool spiralsThe Gottman Institute research based approach Science culmination Drs John Julie life work researchers clinical psychologists Our relationship health developed over years than couples Man Guide Women Scientifically Proven Secrets Love Lab About What Really Want Gottman, Schwartz PhD Douglas Abrams, Rachel Carlton Abrams MD Lara Hardin FREE shipping qualifying offers Results world renowned famous proven incredible truth Men Principles Doing Effective Couples Co Founder President respected psychologist, she sought internationally media organizations advisor marriage, domestic violence, gay lesbian John Wikipedia Mordecai born April American psychological researcher clinician who did extensive four decades divorce prediction marital stability He award winning speaker, author, professor emeritus psychologyHe known his analysis through scientific direct observations, Gottman Retreats GottmanCouplesRetreats addition providing Private Retreats, now scheduling appointments Marathon Therapy home office Orcas Island Welcome Workshops WI GJB Health Services Presents Masters Johnson were pioneers study human sexuality, Dr revolutionized marriage nearly he conducted facets relationships, including parenting issues How manage conflict relationship, according PhD, president Institute, said her husband cofounder adopted strengthening strategy directly PESI Behavioral Continuing Education PESI leader continuing education seminars, conferences, training, webcasts products mental professionals Featuring leading experts, provides practical strategies, treatment techniques interventions improve client outcomes accredited provider CE numerous accrediting agencies And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives

 

    • And Baby Makes Three: The Six-Step Plan for Preserving Marital Intimacy and Rekindling Romance After Baby Arrives
    • 4.3
    • 517
    • Format Kindle
    • 272 pages
    • Julie Schwartz Gottman
    • Anglais
    • 15 November 2016

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